There's a difference between a reason and an excuse. It's simple. A reason is what you can speak about today that explains what happened to you yesterday. However, if the same thing happens again to you tomorrow, then any story you come up with then becomes an obvious excuse.

For example, in Britain every older person has the experience of – one time or another – having to invent something as 'an excuse' for why they didn't hand in their High School homework on time when they were younger. Usually it was an outlandish tale like 'My dog ate it' or 'I left it on the bus'. Okay, the teacher might say. That gets you out of having it here, done, but – why don't you do it now? And, more important, why can't you have it done by tomorrow? Answer – no reason. That's the point. You've got a second chance, so if it doesn't arrive by tomorrow, there's no reason that will sound reasonable. It really will be clear to everyone that whatever you say is just a made-up excuse.

Let's look at another example. Suppose I was walking down the street and suddenly came across a huge hole in the pavement. I hear someone shouting for help. It's you. I look over the edge of the chasm, and there you are ten feet below, looking trapped. Now, no doubt you will be able to tell me a good story about how you got down there. There might be all kinds of reasons for how such a situation came about. That will be interesting, but since I'm in a hurry, there's only one thing I want to know: do you want a hand to get out of there? Don't get me wrong. There's no pressure. It's completely up to you. You can take my assistance if you like, and maybe with my help, you can scramble back out onto the level ground of the street. But the offer's there, and if you don't take it, that's your choice. What I'm saying is, that if I come walking back the same way tomorrow morning – and you're still there – well, there isn't really any excuse that would justify that, is there? You're in a hole. Your choice.

It's a bit like current trends in literature. Read any newspaper and they will tell you that the big new thing is 'Tragic Life Stories'. In fact, if you go into a big bookshop like W H Smiths or Waterstone's, you will see a whole set of shelves devoted to this new trend. (They're right next door to Romantic Fiction – which gives you some idea about who reads this stuff.) Only one problem, most readers love the misery of an abusive and deprived childhood, but – according to the critics – they also want a 'happy ending', (or at least an end in sight). That tells you something. It says that people are both horrified and inspired by tales of kids being locked in cupboards, beaten and starved, but they then want things put right. They want justice to prevail. Fine, same goes for your life story. Tell me you're in a job you hate, going nowhere, feeling awful, and I'll sympathise. But hey, you tell me the same thing next week and I'll be thinking – 'Doesn't this story have a happy ending?' Or, 'If it's so bad, why doesn't s/he stop putting up with it and start doing something about it?'

Here's your problem. A reason that worked yesterday is not necessarily going to be still good tomorrow! Sorry. People get bored. They get inspired by hearing about other people struggling against the odds and overcoming adversity, but that means, at some time or other, you're going to have to climb out of that hole – not wallow in it for ever!

Here's a real-life example. Here in England we're used to living with the shame of the fact that 40% of our young people leave school at 16 with no qualifications whatsoever. No certificates, no exams passed, no subjects studied and absorbed. Maybe these kids think 'it doesn't matter' and they'll 'get a job anyway'. Big surprise. Employers don't like it, and if they've got a choice between the youngster with the certificates and the one without, well, which one would you you choose? That's right, which is one reason why the person with no bits of paper to their name finds recurring problems in finding work and keeping it. Now there might be all sorts of reasons for how this situation came about, and yes, it might have something to do with the media, and too much TV and not enough books in the house, and the pressure of pop culture with 'role models' of singers and football players. The point, of course, is that it's a sickness with a cure. In this country we have the 'Careers Office' which is open to anyone up to the age of 25 for advice, especially about college courses and adult training. Also, that's recently merged into a bigger department, with so-called 'Connexions' advisors (right spelling!), who work with teenagers in or out of school. So, no excuse, right? You've got no qualifications, okay, I get it – it's all your parents' fault, or it was the school, or the area in which you lived. Fine, blame them. My question is this: what are you going to do about it now? It's simple. If you've left school at 16 with no qualifications then I'm interested in the reasons behind that and the obvious struggles you must have had, growing up. But if you've still got nothing at 21, don't give me your excuses. It's your choice.

Finally, here's another distinction between the two words. When you wake up tomorrow, what will happen? If you bound out of bed and get going, odds are that you'll have a reason. If you stay in bed, it's more likely that you'll have an excuse. What could be clearer than that? More important, which one would you prefer in your life right now?

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Mike Scantlebury is an Internet Author, writing books, stories and songs and putting them up on the internet for download. He can be found at Lulu.com and has recently set up his own discussion forum where he debates the future of publishing (if there is one). Check out, categorise, explore and investigate the first of his many web sites at http://www.mikescantlebury.biz and see what you might find.

It’s so amazing how everything about you can change from one moment to another depending on what you are conscious about. When you operate from a different state of consciousness, you will have a different set of thoughts and feelings flowing through you. Your entire range of thoughts can shift from one to another when you move from one state of feeling into another. The frequency of vibration you are experiencing puts you into a whole different reality altogether.

That is why it is important to be in the right emotional state in order to communicate and act in the right way. When you act from right states, you will have the right effects. The energy you give out is the results you get. Whenever you want to do something that is important to you, first change your state of consciousness to one where you are experiencing positive feelings and then go ahead and act from that state.

Of course you may not always be able to get yourself into a positive state with positive feelings at first. You may have to start off with a less positive state and emotion but as you move through with that state and work with getting it engaged in the beginning, you can fulfill the purpose the negative state is meant to serve and then shift it to a more positive state and emotion. Then you can bring the emotional state to higher and higher levels from there.

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Most of us underestimate the power of our words. We sometimes miss how our words set a tone. A few words can make someone’s day, or shatter it. Words can inspire someone to buy, or to go away without buying. Our words can move someone to do their best work, or to work against us. Your spoken words serve either to build up or to tear down. They serve to empower and inspire, or to disempower and hurt. Words are either life affirming or destructive. For this reason we should choose our words carefully. “The word is the most powerful tool you have as a human…like a sword it has two edges, your word can create the most beautiful dream, or your word can destroy everything around you.” (The Four Agreements, Don Miquel Ruiz)

When you are talking to someone ask yourself this question: “Who am I being and what is the impact of my words on the people around me?” The power of your words lies in the intention behind them. Is it your intention to create a resolution or to be right? Do you intend to help the organization accomplish its mission or to satisfy the need to take someone down? We communicate best when we are clear about who we are and what we intend. This kind of clarity prevents us from saying words that are harmful to ourselves and others. It may prevent us from engaging in harmful gossip and complaining.

Gossip is usually destructive. It is often a careless use of our words. We just aren’t thinking about how we are affecting others. Sometimes gossip is mean spirited and intended to cause hurt. Whether gossip is careless or intentional, it causes pain. We may be hoping for a little humor or self justification, but the results of gossip are anger, suspicion, embarrassment, and fear. These creations of gossip negatively affect morale, service, and productivity. You cannot both care about someone and gossip about them. If you think back to the last time you either heard or offered gossip, it probably didn’t make you feel good. Gossip disempowers us.

Similar to gossip is chronic complaining. Complaining about people and situations makes us feel and look powerless. Managers who complain in front of their employees lose credibility as leaders. Chronic complaining leads us into a dead end street where there is nothing to be done. We become victims who are powerless to change anything. While venting frustrations to a trusted friend can be helpful in releasing negative feelings, complaining to everyone tends to reinforce negative feelings. Like gossip, chronic complaining disempowers us.

Our power to do harm is exceeded only by our power to do good. A simple, sincere apology (given without expectation of return) can heal a relationship. An uplifting word at the right moment can change a life, launch a career, or convince someone to go beyond perceived limitations. By consciously looking for evidence of greatness in others, and by using our words to tell them, we help others to build confidence. When we sincerely speak well of others we uplift ourselves.

There is great power in making the commitment to keeping our words as positive and life affirming as we are able. As an affirming presence our influence grows. We feel better about ourselves. Constant negative speech imprisons us and prevents us from finding joy and success. Developing the habit of speaking well of self and others frees us to enjoy life more. We become a blessing to ourselves and to others.

Our spoken words originate from our thoughts. The best way to increase the positive power of our spoken words is to clean up our thinking. We must become willing to think well of ourselves. Constant self criticism needs to become unacceptable. We free ourselves to think and speak well of others by thinking well of ourselves.

Consider practicing the following:

• Affirm life in your thoughts and your words. (To affirm life is to build up, to nurture, to support, and to bless)

• Refuse to gossip. Commit to saying only words that are uplifting or helpful to others.

• Refuse to listen to gossip. Compassionately tell others it is beneath them to gossip.

• Refuse to indulge in complaining about another person.

• Refuse to dwell on self critical thoughts. Learn from mistakes and move on.

• Intentionally look for positive qualities to think about yourself. Make a list often.

• Intentionally look for positive qualities in others. Tell them.

• Don’t take the words of others personally. Their words are more about them than about you. Let go of your grudges and your hurts and wish others well. This practice will make you happier.

• Do not allow negative emotion to control you. Accept it. Be willing to let it go. Stop feeding it with negative words. Choose words that will refocus you on who you are and what you really want.

Gossip and complaining are distractions and a misuse of your energy. Decide what you really want and apply your energy to it. As you become more life affirming in your thoughts and words you will experience more joy and success, and your sense of well-being will affect others. More people will trust you and want to help you. Your life will change. Affirm life with your thoughts and words and you will find that your organization, your family, your community, and you will benefit greatly.

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William Frank Diedrich is a keynote speaker and the author of The Road Home: The Journey Beyond the Spiritual Quick Fix, 30 Days to Prosperity: A Workbook for Well Being, and Beyond Blaming: Unleashing Power and Passion in People and Organizations. William also offers a free online newsletter, Transformation Times. To learn more about Bill, his books, and his services, go to http://www.transformativepress.com or to http://noblaming.com

“Most people ask for happiness on condition. Happiness can only be felt if you don’t set any condition.” Artur Rubenstein

1. Practice patience, perseverance, and prayer. There’s a story of the person who prayed, “God, please give me patience, and hurry!” In this day and age of cell phones, fax machines and instant gratification, it’s easy to want what we want NOW. No one is willing to wait anymore. However, as we mature, we discover that it often takes patience, perseverance, and a lot of hard work to get the things we really want. Whether it’s a promotion at work, losing weight, or having a great relationship.

If you believe in God, pray for patience, persistence and guidance. God sees the big picture. We don’t. Often, looking back, we see that many of the things we just “had to have” weren’t really right for us anyway.

2. Learning how to overcome procrastination helps you get motivated and stay motivated. I believe deep down most people know what they’re supposed to do to improve their lives. But we procrastinate doing that activity. We just don’t want to do it. Whether it’s getting rid of the clutter in our home or office, cleaning up our eating habits or cleaning out the garage. Most of us know there’s something we need to do that we’ve been procrastinating. Yet, by procrastinating a task, we end up cluttering our minds further by thinking about what we should be doing.

Again, if you have certain spiritual beliefs, just ask for the courage to do it. Turn to God. This is not something I discuss in my speaking engagements as my audiences are diverse businesspeople from different backgrounds. But asking for strength works. By admitting your weakness you will often gain strength in overcoming procrastination. And getting help in many other areas of your life as well.

Stop trying to do it all yourself. Give yourself a break. Give up some of the control. Take it in baby steps. For example, clean up just half of the garage. Or, begin that exercise program just three days a week for 30 minutes a day. Too often we fall into the “all or nothing” mentality. If we can’t do it all at once, well, we simply don’t do it at all!

3. Practice positive thinking.Think about what you’re thinking about! I read on the internet that the number one thing people would like to change for the new year is to have a more positive attitude. Thoughts lead to words. Words lead to actions, and your actions determine your approach to your career, relationships, health and just about everything else. Positive thinking is something you often have to practice.

I am a worrier. And of all things, a motivational speaker! It’s my job to help people become more productive, improve morale and stay motivated. In many cases, it’s also my job to help them increase profitability. Worrying is a habit I’ve tried to consistently break. After all, worrying is negative thinking. Worry doesn’t solve anything. It doesn’t add a single day to your life. I make a conscious effort to think about what I’m thinking about. I shift my thinking to the positve whenever possible and it’s becoming more of a habit. Becoming more aware of your thoughts is half the battle.

4. Eat right in order to feel happier, healthier, and stay motivated. We all know what to eat but often need to be reminded. Too many junky foods produce junky negative thoughts. Start your morning with protein to stabilize your blood sugar. Increase your daily intake of fresh fruits and vegetables. Switch to organics whenever possible toavoid exposure to harmful pesticides. If you travel a lot this isn’t always easy. Do the best you can. Remember, moderation is the key. The minute you have that all or nothing approach, you set yourself up for disaster by beating yourself up for not being perfect.

See your doctor to find out what types of vitamins and minerals you should be taking. Studies show that even when we’re eating at our healthiest many of us are still missing vital nutrients. Drink more water. If you’re under a time crunch, and who isn’t these days, try eating raw nuts such as almonds or pumpkin seeds for protein and iron. Dried fruits such as apricots, raisins and cranberries contain vital nutrients and add lots of flavor. I do this all the time when I’m conducting day-long speaking engagements. It’s vital for me in keeping up my energy and blood sugar levels not to mention improved mental acuity. Find out what works for you because everyone is different.

How To Get Motivated and Stay Motivated…Choose To Be Happy In Spite of Your Circumstances

5. Make a decision that you will be happy in spite of your circumstances. Don’t wait until everything is going your way in order to be content. Otherwise you will spend much of your life discontented. Avoid the “when script.” For example, “When I get that promotion then I’ll be happy.” Or, “When I get pregnant and have children then I’ll be happy.” How many times have you heard people say, “Once the kids are grown and out of the house THEN I’ll be happy!”

There’s always that illusive “when script” projecting into the future. And just because you count on something positive to happen, doesn’t mean it always does. People aren’t perfect and can disappoint you. You can lose your job. Your money can disappear. Things won’t always go your way. It’s okay to plan ahead and set goals for where you want to be. Just make certain you’re also happy where you are now.

6. Don’t compare yourself to others. We tend to compare the worst in ourselves with the best in others. Don’t compare your insides to someone else’s outsides. This is especially true for women. In our society, we’re bombarded with magazines and media projecting an unrealistic standard of what we are supposed to look like. Many magazines feature ads with supermodels who are six feet tall. Even worse, the photos have been airbrushed and retouched dozens of times. Focus on developing your own unique gifts and talents. If you’re too focused on trying to be like other people, you will become discouraged, give up, and lose sight of your dream.

7. Rest, relax, and recharge completely. It’s one thing to get motivated, but to stay motivated you need downtime. If you’re sleepy on a weekend afternoon, take a nap. In our fast-paced American society, this is virtually impossible during the work week. America is one of the few countries in the world that doesn’t take an afternoon break. Lots of scientific research has shown that lack of sleep negatively affects mood, stress levels, mental acuity, weight, and overall performance. If you’re tired, you’re more likely to snap. You won’t be a pleasant person to be around.

8. Exercise plays an important role in getting and staying motivated. For example, many participants in my speaking engagements tell me that walking outdoors during a short lunch break is enough to reenergize them. Exercising outdoors is especially beneficial in helping reduce depression during the winter months.

While you’re exercising, and driving to and from work, listen to your favorite music. One of my favorite songs is “It’s On,” from Boney James “Pure” CD. Very upbeat music with lots of saxophone, and serves as a huge energy booster and mood lifter for me! I’ll often play it after finishing a project. It’s a small but very positive reward.

9. Get out of yourself. Be grateful for what you have. Do you have enough clothing, food, and a roof over your head? Probably so. Do volunteer work, or spend time listening to a friend or family member in need. By helping others you realize that whatever your “trauma of the day” happens to be, really isn’t so important after all.

Focus more on what you have, not on what you don’t have. Today, make a conscious decision to be happy in spite of your circumstances.

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Colleen Kettenhofen is a speaker, workplace expert, & co-author of “The Masters of Success,” as featured on the Today Show, along with Ken Blanchard and Jack Canfield. For free articles, e-newsletter, or to order the book visit http://www.ColleenSpeaks.com Topics: leadership, success, difficult people, public speaking. Colleen is available for keynotes, breakout sessions and seminars. (971)212-2412.

http://www.ColleenSpeaks.com

If the Law of Attraction hasn’t worked for you, you may not be doing these three things.

Copyright © 2007 Melissa Quiter

You may have thought that you struck gold when you first became aware of the Law of Attraction. Learning that every desire you ever wanted is yours simply by asking the universe to give it to you, is nothing short of amazing. The proof of its validity backed, not by theory, but by science. Quantum physics and the universal laws explain that everything is made of energy. Everything. Therefore, your thoughts and desires are simply non-physical realities that have yet to be manifested in the physical. All that is required, to manifest the non-physical seed of thought to a physical reality in your life, is to nurture that seed with your focused energy. The only restrictions are that you don’t focus on what you don’t want or you will get more of that; and that you allow what it is that you desire to come to you.

If you are like me, you thought, wow! This is too good to be true. I have been struggling and worrying for so many years when all I had to do to create the life of my dreams was to ask and receive.

And so you began. You did the first and most imperative requirement for any truth to be realized, you believed. You learned all you could about this ‘new,’ cutting-edge philosophy that, actually, has been around for thousands of years. You read the books, listened to the CDs and found like-minded others in order to learn more, and master this skill of attracting. You asked. Waited. And looked for the results.

And it worked, sort of, but not quite, and certainly not every time. Everything you wanted didn’t seem to come quite as easily as you thought it was supposed to. Some things came. That was amazing and cool. However, many things did not. That was a bit frustrating. You still aren’t driving that dream car you envisioned up to your million-dollar home on the lake or in the mountains. Like you, I thought, ‘Why is this not working for me? Did I falsely believe, even though my intuition so strongly supported me? Why does it work sometimes and not all of the time? What am I missing?’

After hundreds of books, programs, discussions and personal experiences, I am ecstatic to report that the Law of Attraction and its foundation are real. I have seen it work over and over and over again. You can create and manifest everything you ever truly desire in life. No exceptions. Every time. But, here’s the information that you may be missing (that I was missing!). The Law of Attraction works as long as you have done three imperatives things first. Like any amazing process, there are key elements that must be in place before all circuits can fire. Just like an airplane can take you anywhere in the world you want to go, as long as there are key elements acknowledged and accounted for before you take off. Assuming all the mechanics are good, you still have to know where you are starting from, have a plan for where you want to go and have someone or something that agrees with that plan to take you there. If any one of those elements is missing or compromised, you may not get to where you want to go, and certainly not in the timeframe you may have anticipated. The Law of Attraction is no different.

There are three primary steps, what I call phases, that must come first before the Law of Attraction can be 100% successful. These three phases are not complicated or foreign. They are extremely simple and natural. However, when something is simple that doesn’t mean it is easy. Since most of us were guided away from this natural knowing from the time we were born, it is not easy to change what we have been taught for so many years. Expanding and evolving takes time and patience. This, in fact, is the most important thing you must know. The Law of Attraction is a process. It takes time to become the deliberate creator of your life. As Abraham, one of the modern pioneers of this law so eloquently says, “You never get it wrong, because you never get it done.” Be easy with yourself and allow the journey and the process to unfold.

The process is this. The first requirement in being a deliberate creator is acknowledging where you are starting. Just like the airplane pilot must know where the plane is taking off from in order to know how to get to the desired destination. You must tap into where you are right now. You are there for a reason. You are always the creator of your life – be it deliberate or by default. You may not consciously know why you are where you are, but parts of you in your subconscious do know. In fact, those parts have manifested exactly what they desired. Simply imposing your conscious desires on the other 88% of your mind, cannot work. You have to start with where you are.

The second requirement of being a deliberate creator and allowing the Law of Attraction to work is articulating what you desire based on the totality of your life; accounting for all segments. Your life is divided into multiple areas of living — called environments. You don’t choose one environment to create, and leave all the others to fend for themselves. You create for all areas simultaneously. If you desire increased responsibility at your job, you don’t forget that you also love and need your pastimes or that you want time with your family. You must take into account all your environments to ensure you are not creating conflicting intentions that end up sabotaging your focus and canceling out everything you think you are creating.

The third requirement is clearing the slate for pure, focused energy. There is a wonderful analogy that explains the importance of this missing element. Most people know that when you cook, there are multiple things that must be in place to ensure an amazing result. If a professional chef buys all the best ingredients, has an incredible recipe, and has access to all the best utensils and appliances, but uses a dirty bowl to mix, no matter what that chef does, the meal is ruined. It cannot work. If you start creating from a bowl that is caked with old food (ideas, habits, beliefs and behaviors), no matter what you attempt to create on top of it, it is tainted. This is the same as creating your life. You cannot create what you desire if you have not cleared away what is already in your bowl. The way I found to remove those blocks is to go where those blocks are structured – in the subconscious mind. Through the use of Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP), the blocks can be addressed, embraced and released leaving a clean slate for your pure, focused energy.

By combining four philosophies into one process (universal laws, the Nine Environments of Holistic Living, NLP and the Law of Attraction) and taking into account where you are now, deliberate creation is absolutely possible and the Law of Attraction really works!

And, remember, this is all a process. You don’t learn this and then, poof, you are a master. You must give yourself time to practice and learn. The key is that you cannot go through the process until you know the process is needed. So, now you know! Enjoy the amazing journey ahead.

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Melissa Jean Quiter is an inspirational life and business strategist with Provocative Communications. She is the author the book, “My cat made me a millionaire… (and how yours can too!)” and the four-phase, life and business-changing program, “Being Spiritual doesn’t mean being poor! How to remove what blocks you from making money & creating happiness.” To learn more, visit: http://www.ProvocativeCommunications.com/lawofattraction.html or send an email to: Quiter@Texas.net

Have you ever decided that it was time for a change? At first, there is recognition of the need to change. Either you realize it, or someone else indicates it to you. But, just recognizing that a change is needed does not change anything.

Like everything else, change starts in your mind first, and that’s where the battle will take place. Your mind will object to changes. “No! I don’t want to exercise every day. I don’t have enough time! What if I overdo it?” The mind objects to leaving the comfortable environment that it is so accustomed to.

The reason that change is difficult for most people is that we all like to be comfortable, and change interrupts our comfortable routine; it interrupts our comfort zone. Even if our comfortable routine is not bringing us the results in life that we really desire, we choose to remain in the routine, instead of making the decision to change.

It doesn’t matter whether the changes are little changes or big changes, your mind will always have some objections to it.

Keep in mind these two things whenever you really desire to change something in your life. First, consistently remind yourself of the goal or reason for the change. For example, say “I’m going to exercise every day so that I can be healthier, have more energy, and live longer,” or, “I’m going to spend the time and money to take this course so that I can improve my skills and have more to offer.”

You need to keep reminding yourself of the reason why. If you don’t, your mind will come back with all kinds of reasons why you don’t need to change anything! Your mind will object by telling you that everything is just fine the way it is! But you must take charge of your mind! Make your mind focus on the goal.

And here’s the second thing. Be patient. If you’re consistent and persistent, the change will come.

If you take a pot of boiling water off the stove and put in four ice cubes, is that water cool enough to drink? No. But if you keep adding ice cubes, over and over, eventually that boiling water will change to ice cold water.

Change takes time. And many times our minds will get impatient during a period of change. There will be thoughts like, “Oh this isn’t working, it’s just not happening.” Or, “I don’t see the point in continuing with this.” In other words, the mind is suggesting that you ought to quit and go back to where things were nice and comfortable where things were easy and there wasn’t so much to do!

When those kind of thoughts pop up, you need to remind yourself of why you have decided to put in this time and effort. In other words, remind yourself of why you desire this change. Remind yourself that change takes time, and that if you’re consistent and persistent, you will see the results that you really desire.

And always remember that change is a part of life. Realizing that makes life exciting! With God’s help, you can indeed make the change! Don’t be afraid of change, embrace it!

The time and effort required for change may vary, but the outcome of reaching the desired destination will far outweigh all the time and effort once you arrive!

Comfort zones are just another resting place on the road of life. They are a place to regroup and expand your foundation. They give you a launching pad for the next exciting adventure of life!

If you’re current routine is not bringing you the results that you desire, then it’s time to move out of your comfort zone! If it’s time for a change in your life!

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Michael A. Verdicchio is a husband, father, minister, author, and broadcaster. He has been the voice on numerous productions over the years. Michael has a free newsletter called, THE PEP LETTER, at http://www.christianinspirationalgifts.com/pepletter.html .

By: Roger Dawson

The way that you conduct yourself in a negotiation can dramatically the outcome. I’ve been teaching negotiating to business leaders throughout North America since 1982 and I’ve distilled this down to five essential principles. These principles are always at work for you and will help you smoothly get what you want:

Get the Other Side to Commit First

Power Negotiators know that you’re usually better off if you can get the other side to commit to a position first. Several reasons are obvious:

Their first offer may be much better than you expected.
It gives you information about them before you have to tell them anything.
It enables you to bracket their proposal. If they state a price first, you can bracket them, so if you end up splitting the difference, you’ll get what you want. If they can get you to commit first, they can then bracket your proposal. Then if you end up splitting the difference, they get what they wanted.

The less you know about the other side or the proposition that you’re negotiating, the more important the principle of not going first becomes. If the Beatles’ manager Brian Epstein had understood this principle he could have made the Fab Four millions more on their first movie. United Artists wanted to cash in on the popularity of the singing group but was reluctant to go out on a limb because United Artists didn’t know how long the Beatles would stay popular. They could have been a fleeting success that fizzled out long before their movie hit the screens. So they planned it as an inexpensively made exploitation movie and budgeted only $300,000 to make it. This was clearly not enough to pay the Beatles a high salary. So United Artists planned to offer the Beatles as much as 25 percent of the profits. The Beatles were such a worldwide sensation in 1963 that the producer was very reluctant to ask them to name their price first, but he had the courage to stay with the rule. He offered Epstein $25,000 up front and asked him what percentage of the profits he thought would be fair.

Brian Epstein didn’t know the movie business and should have been smart enough to play Reluctant Buyer and use Good Guy/Bad Guy. He should have said, “I don’t think they’d be interested in taking the time to make a movie, but if you’ll give me your very best offer, I’ll take it to them and see what I can do for you with them.” Instead, his ego wouldn’t let him play dumb, so he assertively stated that they would have to get 7.5 percent of the profits or they wouldn’t do it. This slight tactical error cost the group millions when the director Richard Lester, to every one’s surprise, created a brilliantly humorous portrait of a day in the group’s life that became a worldwide success.

If both sides have learned that they shouldn’t go first, you can’t sit there forever with both sides refusing to put a number on the table, but as a rule you should always find out what the other side wants to do first.

Act Dumb, Not Smart

To Power Negotiators, smart is dumb and dumb is smart. When you are negotiating, you’re better off acting as if you know less than everybody else does, not more. The dumber you act, the better off you are unless your apparent I.Q. sinks to a point where you lack any credibility.

There is a good reason for this. With a few rare exceptions, human beings tend to help people that they see as less intelligent or informed, rather than taking advantage of them. Of course there are a few ruthless people out there who will try to take advantage of weak people, but most people want to compete with people they see as brighter and help people they see as less bright. So, the reason for acting dumb is that it diffuses the competitive spirit of the other side. How can you fight with someone who is asking you to help them negotiate with you? How can you carry on any type of competitive banter with a person who says, “I don’t know, what do you think?” Most people, when faced with this situation, feel sorry for the other person and go out of their way to help him or her.

Do you remember the TV show Columbo? Peter Falk played a detective who walked around in an old raincoat and a mental fog, chewing on an old cigar butt. He constantly wore an expression that suggested he had just misplaced something and couldn’t remember what it was, let alone where he had left it. In fact, his success was directly attributable to how smart he was-by acting dumb. His demeanor was so disarming that the murderers came close to wanting him to solve his cases because he appeared to be so helpless.

The negotiators who let their egos take control of them and come across as a sharp, sophisticated negotiator commit to several things that work against them in a negotiation. These include being the following:

A fast decision-maker who doesn’t need time to think things over.

Someone who would not have to check with anyone else before going ahead.
Someone who doesn’t have to consult with experts before committing.
Someone who would never stoop to pleading for a concession.
Someone who would never be overridden by a supervisor.
Someone who doesn’t have to keep extensive notes about the progress of the negotiation and refer to them frequently.

This article is excerpted in part from Roger Dawson’s new book-Secrets of Power Negotiating, published by Career Press and on sale in bookstores everywhere for $24.99.

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We all have goals that are important to us. They range from quitting smoking, to creating our own businesses, to raising great kids. Unfortunately, most of us also have the experience of being unable to reach our goals, of having them always seem just out of reach. We can see them. We want to complete them, but we never quite cross that finish line. Here are 10 steps that are almost like magic! They will help you reach your goals, every time!

1. Precisely Define the Objective. Exactly what do you want? Measure it, put a number on it. How many pounds do you want to lose? How many dollars do you want to earn? No one can achieve a fuzzy goal. Be precise.

2. Align the Objective With Your Values. You won’t work toward a goal that conflicts with your values or sense of purpose. Make sure your goals are consistent with your religious and moral beliefs, and with other goals that you have. Internal conflict will undermine your performance, every time!

3. Develop Appropriate Affirmations. A series of positive, powerful, present-tense statements that describe the benefits of having your goal and how you’ll feel when you’ve reached it are essential. They should be short, active, exciting, and you will need to write them down and repeat them many times, every day!

4. Develop Powerful Reasons to Achieve Your Goals. “If you have enough why’s, you’ll find a way.” We reach goals that excite us, that stimulate our imaginations. We reach goals that are vital to our health, our family and our future. Find lots of reasons! When it’s important enough, you’ll make it happen.

5. Write Your Goals and Your Reasons Down! Write them on file cards every day! There is power, magic and mystery in writing your goals down. Put the cards where you’ll see them through the day. Put them on your mirror, or on your desk. Carry them with you and read them, over and over, through the day.

6. Set a Deadline. Again, have the courage to be exact. Quit smoking by your birthday, double your income by the end of this year, get out of debt by September 1st. A goal without a deadline is just a pipe dream! Give yourself the discipline of a date.

7. Define Intermediate Targets. To lose 40 pounds in 4 months, determine to lose 10 pounds EACH month. Having smaller goals makes each one easier to achieve, and you can track your progress to your larger goal. A journey of a thousand miles is just a series of steps, one after another.

8. Make Your Goals Public. Tell friends and family what you plan to do, and your target date. Ask them to hold you accountable and to help you along the way. Knowing your friends are rooting for you is a powerful motivator. Set yourself up for success by making a public commitment to reach your goals on time.

9. Get a Partner. High achievers rarely do anything significant by themselves. Get a running partner, make a friendly bet with your spouse to quit smoking, make it a family project to get out of debt. Always have at least one person who totally supports you, and make sure they are part of your campaign. Hire a coach, if appropriate.

10. Celebrate Every intermediate Victory! Give yourself a reward for each day without a cigarette, have a family celebration for each bill that gets paid off. High achievers find reasons to celebrate every day! Like that journey of a thousand miles, you must celebrate – really celebrate! – each step along the way.

Remember, “if you can imagine it, you can achieve it.” Any goal that truly fires your imagination and fills your heart with joy, is reachable! Set targets, develop an adequate support system, break large goals into smaller steps, and go for it! You can do this!

Here’s to your success!

Phil, Mary, and the Staff at
Resources for Success!

“Written by Dr. Philip E. Humbert, writer, speaker and success coach. Dr. Humbert has over 300 free articles, tools and resources for your success, including a great newsletter! It’s all on his website at: http://www.philiphumbert.com

How to Never Have a Messy Office (or House, Garage or Shed) Again!

Copyright © 2007 GettingAGrip.com

I learnt something as I unpacked my bags recently. I’d just returned from a 3-day trip to regional towns around New Zealand. I pulled out some items I needed immediately and then caught myself thinking, ‘I’ll finish unpacking later.’

‘No you won’t. You’ll do it now!’ said the little voice on my shoulder.

With a brief flutter of resistance my procrastinating self crept back into her hole. Within five minutes the job was done, the room was tidy, and I knew I could come back into the room later without that awful sinking feeling of ‘Darn it, I’ve still got to put all this stuff away!’

I noticed something else. It’s easier to shift a moving object than a stationary one, it generates higher energy, and it’s less time-consuming. It’s when we have to go back to something that we end up in a muddle, it slows us down, procrastination becomes a familiar companion, and tidiness becomes a hard and challenging chore.

The hardest part is the decision to act. Next time, as you stand there being tempted to head down the grey tunnel of ’slob-itis’, try one of the following strategies:

See yourself coming back into this pristine space with nothing shouting ‘You’ve still got to put me away.’

Hear the congratulations of your dearly beloveds (or surprised work colleagues if it’s a work situation).

Feel your delight and joy as you connect with the freedom of no clutter.

Think back to the last time you did put things away quickly.

Remember your thoughts and feelings, the mental pictures and the sounds attached to that positive memory. Build them big in your memory and let the positive energy attached to that memory impel you forward into action NOW.

Reward yourself. It might be as small as five minutes to sit and look at the view, take a walk outside, sit down with a relaxing book or magazine, talk on the phone to your best friend, have that chocolate you’ve hidden from yourself - whatever turns you on.

Next time, when you:

Complete a task at work - put away tools and paperwork

Return from a trip - unpack everything immediately.

Get out of bed - make it.

Dress or undress - hang things up and put the dirty washing in the basket (or ready to go out the door next time you leave your bedroom).

Eat something - clean up after yourself.

Arrive home with used sports gear - clean and store it ready for next time.

Finish a task in the garage, workshop or garden - clean down and put away the tools.

Come in from work or town with a bundle of items - groceries, post, accounts to pay, magazines to put away - whatever miscellany you typically bring home - put them straight away.

Last thoughts:

What’s clutter? Just something in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Every piece of paper or equipment lying around is a symptom of a decision not made or an action not completed.

Space and clutter strugglers just stop too soon - the job’s not done until it’s all put away.

Just shift the finish line. Why make it hard when it could be easy - all for the sake of another two or three minutes?

Capitalise on your existing momentum. Do it now!

Remember, it’s faster (and a lot easier) to shift a moving object than a stationery one!

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Robyn Pearce, international time management specialist has helped 1000’s of folks in ‘Getting a Grip on their Time’ - Visit http://www.gettingagrip.com for FREE registration on her fortnightly e-zine, packed with “how-to” practical productivity assistance.

Four Steps to a New Approach of Enhancing Self-Esteem.

You have the power to run your own thoughts and to decide to increase the level of your self-esteem. Here is a new approach on self-esteem using the kind of states and emotions you experience every day: acceptation, appreciation and esteem. You will use these feelings or states of mind to increase your level of self- esteem whenever you want.

Practicing these four steps to enhance your self esteem will change the way you see yourself and the way you feel about yourself.

1. A state of acceptation. First, access an experience of acceptation of an outside event, for example a traffic jam or the weather. It is something you may not necessary like but you can accept it. Feel the emotion and notice your posture, your sensations and how you look. What are you thinking and how are you thinking it? Notice the tension in your muscles. Are you relaxed?

You will now amplify this state and emotion inside of you until it reaches 8 or 9 on a scale from 1 to 10. Let the feeling of acceptance build and make an anchor by touching your left wrist, or whatever part of your body that seems ok for you.

2. A state of appreciation. Secondly, access an experience of appreciation for something outside of you, for example your baby, a sunset or your health. In the same way, notice your posture and your sensations in your hands head and body? Let this feeling of appreciation build as well and make an anchor by touching the same part of your body as in step 1.

3. A state of esteem. Third, access an experience of esteem of something marvel about, someone you admire, something you honour and esteem highly. Notice your posture and the sensations in your body. What do you look like when you are standing in awe? How is your breathing? Let this feeling of esteem/awe build as well and make an anchor by touching the same part of your body as in step 1.

4. Apply to Self and Your Life. Now, you’re going to think about yourself and touch the part of the body you selected in step 1. And as the process of “esteeming yourself” continues, notice how your thoughts and emotions change about yourself because you can now easily feel appreciation for your skills and abilities; you can feel acceptance about those things in your life that you may not like; you can feel esteem for yourself as a human being.

Finally, every time you are tempted to feel critical of yourself, you can do this! It’s up to you!

The fact is that you’re important and it’s like the world tries to pull you down by saying “you’re not enough good…thin enough…smart enough…” The fact is that you are somebody and you have value. Your contribution to the world is important. This exercise helps you so you know it emotionally and not just intellectually.

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